Hello my dear readers! 2016 has taken an undoubtedly hUGE toll on me, mental health and all. I had to slug through national examinations (barely pulling myself through if i do say so myself) and had to deal with many human-related issues.
Minus all that and i was on a trip to Beautiful Europe once again, this time to Germany, the UK and Czech Republic! I truly am blessed with this trip, it was another living dream.
Unfortunately, i had to make this trip with my eldest sister. Only the two of us, me-freshly 16 and her, an adult of 2years. The thought of this trip absolutely terrified me in the beginning. My parents had insisted they did not want a part in this trip, for sub zero temperatures came in the package. Welp. In addition to that, my sister and i do not exActly see eye to eye… in fact, i believe we actually detest each other.
That fact bothered me. It bothered me so much so that half the trip i was yelling at her in my head; picking out her flaws, being absolutely ruthless to her mistakes. It was toxic up there. She’d say something like “Sigh… I don’t know if i should sign up for school activities… I don’t have friends to go with””Why not? ” “oh i cut all of them off””and why would you?” “i don’t like all of them” me:ohmygod. you barely fucking know them. (she has brief encounters with them all and swears she can’t mix with all of them, the girls being too “girly” or whatnot) This made me so angry that i refused to speak to her throughout a train ride of 2 hours. Little conflicts like this happened once in a while and i have to say it really put a strain on our relationship and on my enjoyment of the trip. I loved the sights and places but half the time my mind was preoccupied with how i could help her or tell her off. Not to mention, the sub zero temperatures were ticking me off and i couldn’t bear being in the cold for more than 6 hours. (I hate myself for that)
It has been 2 weeks into our trip and now we are in London, me awaiting my flight home and her adjusting to her new life here. I absolutely regret how much time I’ve lost in hate, how much time i lost because i didn’t speak up or at least try to reach out to my sister. My parents didn’t send me on this trip to brew hate in me for family, they sent me on this trip of a lifetime as a reward and i appreciate it. I really do. But of course, appreciation must be shown and i must do my best to show it.
This post is a little short and a little shallow but it’s all i can offer now. I’m always tired and i feel like I’ve run out of words.
Words to use, words to say, words to breathe.
It’s suffocating and terrifying.