Trust.

I have VERY bad trust issues. For one thing, I don’t even trust my family members being out alone. Or my closer friends. Maybe only my best friend. But that’s beside the point because she’s my BEST friend and we share fandoms. Anyway, this blog(my baby) is so private, only my best friend knows about it in the circle of people I personally know. Mainly because I don’t like/want my schoolmates to diss it with dumb comments or any “witty” comments they think will make me laugh with them. And another fact is I want this blog to be a humble one. Sort of like, the people viewing my blog found it with my ever so many tags based on their interests. I don’t want people reading it to pick out my flaws and sneer at me, or just log me into their brains as a child who wants popularity or attention. I started this blog based on my love for writing and to boundlessly share my views.

Back to the point. I have a friend. Who discovered my Tumblr link a few months or so back. The thing is, I publicize my blog on my Tumblr, because they are kind of interconnected  to me. And my friend(can I refer him to Rotten Skittle?) found this dear little blog. I confronted Rotten Skittle and he admitted to his folly, so I hurriedly changed my Tumblr link and I tried to change this blog link, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. So I did the bravest thing I ever did in my life.

I trusted Rotten Skittle when he said he didn’t remember my blog link or save it as a bookmark.

I’m not entirely proud of myself because I feel so out of my comfort zone of not trusting anyone, but I can say I really, actually, accomplished something. And I told Rotten Skittle to be grateful I’m trusting him because I never actually trust anyone. It’s one mistake or flaw I can easily tell anyone. I don’t particularly hate it or like it, but I’m not going to embrace it either. Because friendships are based on trust(thanks Dory!) and you tend to have more friends when you trust them. I don’t have lots of friends. I’m a shadow down the hall. Something no one notices until I do something stupid and everyone laughs, thinking it makes me feel better because, look! You just got noticed! No thanks. I can live without attention from outsiders because it makes me feel overexposed. Anyway, I don’t tell my closer friends, but I don’t trust them entirely, like how I trust my best friend. I just feel so insecure and revolted by the thought of telling your secrets, your lies, your life, and livelihood to this person who is going to stay in your life for at most 10 years. I’m not going to do it. Plus, Rotten Skittle is one of my closer friends in school. And I trusted him because it was the only rational thing to do.(I think.)

I told Rotten Skittle if he breached my trust, it meant he didn’t/hadn’t loved life enough to do so. I hope that has scared him enough. Because I really will do crazy and irrational things when I’m threatened.

 

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