I had to do a presentation.
I had to do it in front of the class.
I had to keep it to a minimum of three minutes.
I melted to the ground because anxiety has lots of kinetic energy and boy! it sure is hot. I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder. Which is a bummer. (considering I live in such an environment, where school is everything, bad results=jobless) My dear sweet oh-ever-so-kind English teacher decided it was FUN(oh yes, F-U-N) to make us all present a health presentation in front of the whole class. And it would be counted in my English results.
*F bomb drops*
I so valiantly decided to go ahead and do a presentation about “Generalised Anxiety Disorder” because (c’mon.) I have it! How hard can it get?
I spent 3 days(I told others 1. HA!) to pretty up the slides, 1 day to scout for information and keep them at a minimum in the slides, another day to draw up the script and perfect everything. A few days before I was due to present, several of my friends went up there and came back, fallen students. The teacher’s expectation was ungodly high, and she claims she was following a rubrics given. Well, okay. After the second day of no one getting above 16/20, anxiety kicked in.
What if I failed because I stuttered?(Which I do. A lot.)
What if I tripped?(I trip on myself a lot)
What if my slides sucked?
So, 10 minutes before I the gallant awesome, clumsy, blubbering knight was due to present, I had an anxiety attack.
I fidgeted, I was shaking, I was shivering, my left wrist was numb, I couldn’t breathe properly, I had nausea. Bloody convenient. I spent the minutes setting up blubbering over irrelevant things like where my wallet is, whether I tied my shoelaces. And here i was. My time to dim.
I started of shaky. And stuttery. My voice shook with fear and I had the tired, worn look creasing my face. But, soon! I got a tiny hang of it. So I presented a little less stuttery, and I went through the whole thing. All the while everyone’s face melted to a sea of one, all the comments stuck outside my eardrums. I was nervous, OH yes I was. But after this while, I was okay. It was always like this. presentations. You get weird anxiety shots then it all smoothed out and you go all like:
“See? It wasn’t that hard you stupid brain! Screwing up my anxiety nerves.”
But really. We all know the anxiety and pain right before a presentation. And I, with GAD, passed the presentation because damn hell, my presentation was all facts. Anxiety has its perks. And the downsides. Which can result to crazy breakdowns. Tea can calm the mind. Dear friends with anxiety,
Do drink tea.