Silent Comeback

I
am back.
It took months and weeks for this to happen but it did. I am glad it happened. Now, how long was I away? I guess long enough for me to sink into depression, long enough for me to feel so empty, inside I out.
Yes. Depression. Mild, though. Do you know how it feels? Those little worms nipping away at your wretched heart, making your heart shed it’s oh-so-fragile skin and regrow a coat so thick, you feel nothing. That’s how I feel. Day in, day out. I’d lost touch in writing. I fumble. I stumble. Worse, I noticed. My depression grew as each day passed without words. I could not even read. Touch a book, yes. Read? No. It made me even worse. I frown so much more now, concentration is a grain of sand in the ocean. I am so tired everyday, People are not my cup of tea. Makes me frown more and feel sorry for my god forsaken ass.
How am I here, then?
Well, other than the fact that I finally had time, I also feel better now, and I wanted to feel better than better, so I am here.
I think it is psychology but I feel like my command of words has disappeared. I react so slowly to think of words. I cannot weave words into that complete gown I used to be able to. I have no coherent thoughts. And so, this comeback shall be silent. Do you appreciate a piece of written crap? No, I am afraid no one does. Self pity? Oh no, even more so. But listen. Listen. Listen to that small glimmer down by your chest. Makes sure it works. Make it work. Do not let it dim. Because when it does, no one will take notice. No one will help. No one will bother. I have been through that. I am going through that. As long as I have a thread of hope and connection I so often love, I am safe.
Safe from myself.

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7 thoughts on “Silent Comeback

  1. What a raw and personal post. I have felt some of what you described, about depression. Enough to know how awful it is, and to feel incredibly sorry that you’ve been going through it 😦 But it’s good to have you back, and good to know you’re still fighting.

    I’m also sorry to hear though that you feel you’ve lost touch with your writing. Keep trying, keep reaching out for it. You’ll get it back. It’s impossible for your heart to forget it altogether, not when it means so much to you. Don’t fear to lose the spark inside you, for a candle can be relit by someone else’s flame, should the need arise. We won’t leave you to be extinguished. We’ll help you out.

    Keep on hoping. And seriously, if you ever need help or want someone to talk to or just want to rant/vent to someone, hit me up. My email’s on my site and I am always here for you. Take care ❤

    • Thank you. Just thank you. I just feel the ground cracking and falling in on me and people like you lift me away from danger’s hellish clutch. And I never got around to fully appreciate or give back to you amazing people, which makes me self centered or basically just a self pitiful dick. Dear friend, I Appreciate you. I hope you know that. Honestly without you, I probably would have stopped writing altogether months ago. Thank You. 😢

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