And I’m back! Typing away furiously at my tiny little mobile screen at 1 am. Ever since the last time I blogged, I have been strapped by countless assignments, all in preparation for my gods forsaken national exam.
Nothing eventful had occurred, so I decided I did not want to terrorize my readers/followers with meaningless crap. I stayed away. My mistake.
To be really really honest with myself, the past months had been good to me- I reconciled with some good friends, made quite a few new friends and I had time to watch Supernatural (oops!). I desperately did not want to jinx this luck, so I acted as if everything was normal. Like my usual life was always such a pleasant breeze.
Well that did NOT last long. Assignments caught up, some people can’t come to terms with me liking to be alone (well, damn you) and I lost some really great friends.
Assignments – who the hell wants to talk about you, you piece of dreadful shit.
People who can’t come to terms with me liking to be alone – awh come on. Just because I’m not talking, doesn’t mean I hate you or anything! Especially with the goddamned social media, it’s ruining lives.
Lost some great friends – This I regret immensely (my regret is so immense i can regret immensely). Recently, for god knows (oh yeah he does) what reasons, people have stopped talking to me. People who could come to terms with me liking to be alone. And I don’t know the reason naturally, so I feel like shit. I feel terribly taken advantage of, horribly insecure and heart-wretchingly depressed. They could have spent hours of their times talking to me, laughing with me, sharing inside jokes, but they can just bear to up and go without so much of a word. Once part of their attention, I was now nothing to them. I was looked at differently. Sometimes I thought I could see annoyance, sometimes unease, and sometimes anger. What did I do? Personally I would say I did NOT do anything wrong but most probably something I have done must have affected them adversely for them to seem to despise me so. Once discursive and open, I learned to shut up and pretend I don’t exist. As days went by, I could feel myself wearing thin. I felt so so horrible I just couldn’t bear it anymore, I wanted to cry. However, I steeled myself, steeled myself damn well, stuffed those tears back. In this world, there is no space for crying, overly sensitive individuals. People keep saying “Suck it up.” I hate that phrase, oh I do. But, well it’s a survival method. I felt used, a dustbin to all their problems, bottle to my own. Answers to all their questions, lock to my own.
How long was I to bear this pain?
I wish someone would tell me what’s wrong, but well, in This world, we don’t really… “Discuss” our feelings or “cause conflicts between friends” *exaggerated political tone*
Knowing how it feels to be “crapped on”, I am going to say – No one, No One, deserves such treatment. No matter how shitty a person you are, how much of a horrible attitude you have, how sensitive you are, you do not deserve such treatment. Going through something makes you understand how it really feels; how heavy your heart will end up being, how empty you will be. Once you’ve gone through it, hopefully you don’t, you will definitely not commit such atrocities.
I hope you don’t ever, ever do anything like alienating someone, acting on a false judgement of a person, spreading rumours. Be kind and who knows, you might save someone and that someone may be important in your life.
Once someone who laughed at almost everything, I learnt that you can’t laugh if you’re empty inside.
oh look! it’s 2.30 am!!