Love Me Not

I was in love with a guy for 5 and a half years of my life. It didn’t work out. Now I’m asexual.

THAT, above, is basically what I’m gonna talk about in a jiffy.

On to clearing things up, being asexual means being uninterested in the pursuit of finding your other half, bla bla bla. I’m done. I’m over that shit.

Okay, that was all lies. Maybe only half of it. I think I still have little affection for that dumbass and its been 6 years. It didn’t work out, truth. I’m asexual, half truth.

I’ve finally come to see the unimportance or even the non existent need to love.

Why the hell do we humans want to love so bad? What do we want from love?

Love hurts. Love rips your freaking heart out and screams at it before hitting it, love is pain.

But of course, love is still love.

Love makes you feel, something. It occasionally fills you up with such indescribable joy that you feel like doing the craziest shits. (eg. jumping on the hood of a police car)

I promised myself I will not fall into the trap of love.

Again.

I was way past the need, i didn’t have the compelling idea that we do need love to function. Why do we need to love a human?

You can find love in a book, or in art, or maybe in writing,

why then?

No, maybe it’s just me. I’m just so tired of waiting. I’m so tired of feeling my heart squeeze itself beyond measurable lengths. I’m also very tired of feeling like a dump sometimes, like I’m full of shit and not good enough WHY? Why is love so complicated, or is it so simple that we, complex creatures can’t fathom how it works?

i believe so.

sometimes i want to rid the world of love, but what will that bring me to? a world of hate, no, a world of indifference. A world where, nothing is ever agreeable or even makes sense!

Though, it may be a world rid of stupid doings. All those stupid things that can be avoided from happening, how many of them are in the name of love?

I just saw his face and felt so screwed up about how i feel.

Dear Heart, love no more.

P.S. I had to get this out so it’s unfiltered. Crappy vocab and all. Plus it’s kinda short. I’m sorry about that. I had to blog, in the name of my love for writing.